You Forget we are Human Beings… Poetry/Story of a girl people know really well, but choose to ignore her Wisdom, her strength and inspiration No matter how much she can motivate

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She was just a girl from a neighborhood, a normal background and in a mainstream school…

Things were hot and heavy on the road to recovery.

Mama and Papa never raised  no fool!

Nor did they want death upon their child and steroids injected never wanted it to become a memory.

She was fat and taunted ugly

Her heart was kind and she had beauty

Only she felt God could see

After all he made her beautiful

He gave her purpose and her heart was grateful

She was forgiving and Thankful

She used to fight back until she learned it didn’t solve a thing

She still got bullied even if she didn’t do anything

She felt so worthless and lonely in her room cutting through her skin at everything

She could feel

Hating the emotional conflicts that life wasn’t any longer real

Her kindness she knew none could steal

She wondered why everyone hated her so much

Daddy gone so needing to speak to him and he was out of touch

Out of faith and out of touch but luckily caught so not out of reach

The kind words of a sibling lead her to realise a lecture is what she needed upon her preach

The girl listened to the speech

Which she knew wasn’t a lie

She had an amazing pie

She said don’t look at your body look at your friends

She was right and it lead to tears immersing upon society’s trends

There is no perfect face

No perfect race

No perfect anyone

Everyone

Who is unique is someone

This is what she was and she always will be

She often cried

Out of reach no matter how hard she tried

School was a prison of warriors and wizards

Full of mythical rumors, backstabbers and two faced blizzards

Her suicidal thoughts turned to running

Though she was huge most people though not everyone thought she was stunning

It never got to her head

She remained down to earth even though she wished she was dead

Her fathers death four years before high school

Was why she wanted to leave a world so cruel

Flashbacks of sacred Child abuse she felt she had to keep

Not knowing her worth and inspiration was deep

Drinking poison only lead to rehab

Nobody really seemed to understand but the voice in her head the voice was an evil gab

For years she felt she killed her father until she learned it was natural and she began to pray

After this horrific incident the evil prison shredded her exam papers, cut her hair and the suicidal thoughts set sure to stay

Prosecuted

Humiliated

Rumors in Fir School went too far

The teacher cared enough to ask her what set the car

So trusting the confidence she for once in her life spoke out

Police knocking on her door mum not knowing at all what it was about

All the girl said was the kids hurt her feelings

She had no crush on the teacher, but her words come out wrong and now her pulse reeling

Wishing she never trusted such a stupid prick

She thought to herself what a dick

Saying the words exactly as the evil witches and dicks put it the rumour is “I fancy you and you fancy me… It is hurting me ”

Her life couldn’t be sane with the hate that had to be

Trying to lose weight was impossible, so she used her pretty eyes

That yield no lies

Everyone hated her, she was different and she soon realized she will find her place in this world someday

So lonely

Agoraphobia her calling and nights were sweats in anxiety

She often loved to listen to Busted and Robbie

They made her feel strong

Funny, happy and accepted until she was in this school she felt out of place and wrong

Connectionz now Sheffield Futures

Helped her shape her way she learned it didn’t matter if she was Mixed race there were many different cultures

She was labelled so often she may as well have worn a bar-code

Mixed batter, may contain Spice, sugar, poop, porridge and pee so only purchase if you can handle the mode

Other people she met accepted her and she learned she was good at acting and singing

Soon her Nokia 3310 was beeping and ringing

She often went out on the town

Many stores she couldn’t fit in the gown

Her friends didn’t care they would often go with her to Evans and Etam

They purchased whatever Item

They felt suited the occasion

It never took too much persuasion

More confidence was coming her way

On stage she lead on a speech

With her friend she no longer felt out of reach

She felt stronger, and her soul was  eased

She smiled knowing her dad would be  pleased

College was more accepting, but she was still kind of an outcast

People could see past

The ones who didn’t she took it on

A smile to then lead the haters gone

Another one was just to be nice

They then began to stop being a bully and not think twice

Engaged

Her mum excitedly outraged

So happy and so surreal she felt

Now more grandchildren could be under her belt

Only 17

Her friends wondered is this legit, but still carried their queen

A guy she kinda liked was hurt upon the news

Lord help her had she been in his shoes

She thought he wouldn’t think twice because people always said she was ugly

It kinda got to her head since aged 3 she faced a bully

Things were kinda hard balancing studies and a fussy

Evil hubby

It didn’t take too long

For her wall of strong

To start crumbling down

She wished she never believed ugly under the gown

Now wishing a guy who really liked her could no longer make her frown

For now she took to another guy with a fake crown

Her heart reeling

Wondering God save the soul from this feeling

Why is it back

Ready to pack

She wanted to run

For another hit was for him too much fun

Her waking nightmare

was her flare

She grew quiet again

Her bruise

Just an excuse of a Klutz cruise

Why was she hiding

Even the burns she took a riding

Her heart pounding and all she did was run away

She never faced the confrontation head on

Mum gone

She caught up on the flight

Made it in such delight

Without even a reason as to why

Excuses always but she lived in honesty

She did miss family

So she went along and on this journey it hit her harder than ever before

Coming back to the UK the diagnosis was now a reality for sure

Already a relationship on the rocks, but her love for the affection

Left her heart with no objection

Epilepsy left him wondering why she was so dishonest even though it left her body

Now taunted having thought she lied to her special somebody

Things took a turning for the worse

Diagnosed with high stress and blood pressure not able to speak upon the evil curse

Which was her husband

Wishing she could have abandoned

Yet she didn’t nor did the drive stop

Mum took the car, but her adranaline needed some pumping so the bike was the other option until she felt the pop

High speed nobody around a deep tingling of mixed signals, spinal cord to the her brain

Bike flew and so did she, set aflame in the rain

Up she had got nor a cut nor a bump nor a bruise

She thanked God for saving her through this horrific cruise

Beaten by him

Only made life more Dim

Forced to change her sim

Forced to no longer speak to friends

Missing all the trends

Even her friends wedding to this day

Myspace and no other platform had much to say

Another problem is now just 19 she was childless

So young nor did she feel helpless

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Just diagnosed again this time knowing under diagnosis as to why

The professionals didn’t check Sooner to splat the fly

Now constant measures on weight management

Male hormones existed and periods were late hoping for comfort, but a hit in instant

Everything was instant

Instant spit

Instant hit

Polycystic ovarian syndrome and epilepsy didn’t mix well

The shakes and absences only by flu one could tell

Now hormones racing to start the release of egg hit her brain like a ringing bell

Constant faints

Indeed hubby hated the waits

She had supportive mummy

Who cared for her tummy

For her everything

He only pretended he cared and he only wanted one thing

He only cared to point out her flaws

Even when she made the best of effort she was in the depths of his claws

She resorted to poetry social media to clear her mind

Often the feedback positive on her skill to write, but to often rewind

Her ability to be able to leave such abuse

Some friends left her to accuse

Her own mind which conflicted her heart was wrong

She tried so hard to stay strong

She no longer knew what was right, but kept her faith in her lord

As her weapon and prayer her sword

To fight these demons that were kill her

Like an animal for its fur

All that she saw was a blur

Rumors of his marriage was not to occur

Her love for him was like a drug

Rumors she would shrug

He was now her healer scratches and cuts

Clear the pain in her heart which there he inputs

A very heavy seizure hospitalized

Almost like she was immortalized

Dismissed

Yet lay in bed, not able to move at all and he just sat there and dissed

Telling her mum what a tramp

Hit his stamp

Her mother

Calling her

“Why do you not spray yourself down,”

“Mum i can’t even move, or speak, i am in my dressing gown…

Laying in bed…

Stiff joints and pain unable to describe what hit my head,”

Latter of the day

he continued to taunt her and say

“you ugly tramp, you ugly dog, you bitch, you slag, you haor”

In a desperate attempt, she cleaned up herself

Almost as though drowning would be a story on her shelf

She cleared up her hair, silky and smooth and so was her skin

Drenched in Chanel, how he liked to sniff there-in

“You are still a bitch…

Care to explain why dismissed you attention seeking fat cow…. may another punch is what you need and a stitch”

Anxiety boiling her blood

If only she could

no Strength to run nor to hide from the pain he inflicted

She often looked in glass hating what reflected

Unable

To disable

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Her hurt and pain

He often taunted her lack of variety in her wardrobe

Hard earned cash he never spent, so if on one off jobs it went on the home not for a new robe

$400 a month where did it go she often wondered, but he didn’t talk

All he did was stalk

Or beat her up if she dared to say a thing

So she had to figure a way to bling

Discriminated by him

By people she tried to work with until she was offered a benefit to help make things less Dim

She changed the sim

He went insane

Wondering why the change of lane

He hated her food and threw it down the loo

She dreamed and her dad enjoyed her food, but he was dead so she finally got through

A dream interpreter who explained the dead speak to tell you honesty

So she believed her food was lovely

He was just ungrateful

Or she could leave him starving, but how if he beat her a heartily times a day full

Blown to the days she could not breathe

Lord seize

The day i leave she warned as he sniggers into the hallway

He Never took her seriously, she knew not one day

She will survive alive

If she stayed this way

Ironing for a wedding and he was really annoyed she creased his suit trousers down middle it had to be another way

He said she was worthless

She was useless

Now burned and scarred for life

She wondered if it was worth being his wife

She told herself over and over, but she couldn’t leave

Nor the rumors could she believe

She often asked if she really did love or not

As the nurses cleared the hot

Heavy burn

Forced by his look she knew it was her turn

To deny

Why lie

It was  anxiety

She was a slut watching reality

Taunting her with beautiful models on TV

No interest in anything, but him made her cry

Her blood Pressure rising

Her fears immersing

Her faint came on, but dismissed

To only be dissed

That she wanted to look at cute doctors and didn’t give a shit

That he wished was married to a woman who was prettier and instead of fainting could go on all night without even a flinch a little bit

She was in a black-hole of pain so agonising

Love so confusing

Her heart banging on tin trying to leave her mind refusing

Her conscience  infusing

Beating took toll

Finishing her studies she was kind of on a role

Setback by the ultimate prick

What exactly was his trick

What made him tick

A year out

Finding residential lies on once not a doubt

Married at just 17 he was not 23

29 now going on 33

She was angered, but of course denial on the card

He said she was a bitch invading privacy and it was in an obvious place and she was a tramp, a whore that did shit and one who didn’t try hard

He made her slave

For the nights studying and passing to spring clean cave

Last room was the answer she needs to see

First card was the U.S in which she was aware until the other was under the TV

A fat belly at the back pushing to clear dust under in which his nose

Knew was no rose

Now the customer services refused, but she pleaded and had to lie

Death upon the shawl, but they kinda fell for it and what happened next none could deny

She Spared the mother of 7

Her side of the heart ache without even knowing ten past 11

Am on the 27th of December 2007

Her husband was finally demonized a bigamist indeed

The rumors that sparked were true and they tried to do a good deed

She did not want to believe

Smashing up the photos in fury ready to pack up and leave

She managed to escape

Without a cape

In the freezing cold

Into a cab her heart aching but relief began to unfold

No more hits

No more burns or being patronised or abused to bits

She didn’t tell her mum much

Sat in her room, busted on full blast she felt out of touch

A fool she was as such

Ran through her head

Until she finally hit the bed

Mum wanted to hear

Trying to speak, but her fear

lead her to anger, remember i told you i was 13 and a man abused

You never believed all my life accused

Remember i told you another did too

You never believed until a cold sore came through

“you’re just a trouble maker, all you do is cause trouble,”

“All you do is invade my bubble

You wanna know.

but do you believe me NO”

She began to break through her bed

so angry she hit her head

Mum said she deserved all she got instead

Of giving her the affection

She wished was in an injection

So she couldn’t crave

Her emotions so badly began to rave

She listened to Mcfly

So she can feel like a star girl and feel like she can fly

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Her mum banging on the door

Not realizing her daughter was dying inside for sure

The music stopped and she was on the streets, crying in the graveyard

Wishing she was near daddy who could understand the pain on her card

Mum hadn’t a clue where she was and trying her on her Motorola v500 and her Nokia 7670

Even on her 7373 was a no no

She didn’t answer she just wanted to pray

Alone she wanted to stay

The rain didn’t bother her, it was cold and she slept on the grass feeling like ice

Hunger wasn’t nice

Remembering staying with him in the shop

It was like an ice pop

Everything she did was for nothing

All the sacrifices she thought meant something

Meant nothing

All she could do was cry herself to sleep

Wishing life could be a little more easy than steep

Flashbacks of child abuse and burns and the domestic abuse

Lead her brain to diffuse

Soon she was sleeping and awakening in a cold damp mess

No where to change she ran to the public loo for a change in her dress

People were staring

Nor a feel of sympathy nor caring

Laughing hurled the beats

As she ran through the streets

She had no money and her breath smelt of toothpaste and grass

Evil glints not letting her pass

It went on and on and on

Walking mindlessly looking through the windows of each shop

The smell of food made her weak, she headed for the bus stop

Rejected 17 times until a cab pulled up towards her and offered her support

“You lucky you not been caught,”

“Huh,”

“You know its dark you can get hit by rape,”

She wandered slowly covering herself in her damp cape

The driver was kind he let her in

“Don’t be here, there is a shelter you don’t need to eat nor sleep in a bin,”

She was 21 and the shelter didn’t accept that she’d ran away

Not hearing what she had to say

Finding a booth round the back she slept on the cold hard ground

Having been found

Not awakening

It finally hit the morning

Using her bottled water and toothpaste she began to brush

Wishing life wasn’t such a crush

Like when you love a celebrity, but he will never be yours

Staff threw out food, after seeing her chomping her jaws

They halted their chores

She remained quiet without speaking

Though her heart conflicted her mind to start leaking

The staff knew she was in pain, having seen so many bruises they had to wonder why a 21 year old

Ran with a story unable to be told

Years of Agoraphobia was catching on

She had a drink and then she was gone

The staff didn’t know what to make of it

She trusted him and all she got was abuse on each sit

Terrified of the trust she put in him and the advantage

He had taken now she went quiet like she used to be from a young age wanting to jump off a bridge

She stood at the top of Fits Bridge Sat down willingly

Everything watching her insanity

Was it rain or just tears

Or was the drizzle her fears

Did she want to die

Or try

She remembered her sister saving her life

Telling her she was a beautiful, caring and amazing wife

He was a loser and didn’t deserve her and finally she slid down the pole

Heading upon the streets of Cole

Bus drivers still rejected so she walked and headed home

Longing for a bath with hot foam

Radox was all she thought of and the smell of lavender

How she wished she could be in a peaceful world forever without an evil contender

He was just evil and didn’t care

Life sucks and isn’t fair

He abused her when she found it hard to trust and to share

She spoke to God and her Dad in her heart

How much it hurt nobody knew, but watched her crying as she walked back-roads heading back to the part

The part where she has to explain herself

More stories she didn’t want to discuss nor leave upon her shelf

Her sneakers now rubbing upon her sorry feet

Blisters were bleeding defeat

She found a shelter and sat down

A group of boys looking and pointing towards her

She knew only too well what they were thinking if only they were

They actually went towards her

“You look like shit,”

“Yeah i kinda know that bit,”

“You should go home, not stink out the place it isn’t a good place to sit,”

She walked away

One guy asked her to ignore what they had to say

He even offered her a lift in his car

She said she didn’t need to walk far

She waved and walked away

She felt so embarrassed and kind of stupid and wishing an end to this pathetic day

On her walk back she wished so hard

Her thoughts in long time were bard

All they did was spur evil and hatred

Rumors spread

Unread

She was hurting inside

Remembering an evil teacher making her worthless against the tide

Banning her from events and parties because she was mixed raced and always the problem to the ride

No ice cream or Jelly, no games and no peace, she didn’t dare to hit her, but was evil always upon her stride

Chewed up and spat out

Pulled in pocket what was that about

Then mummy blamed her

Teacher made her believe always it was her fault and it wasn’t her

She cried for peace, nowhere she could find, school was evil and then home she was a target for the in-law

One left look got into her claw

Winters were cruel, hot metal on her ass

No way fast for time to pass

Evil stories making her believe

What wasn’t real, but her childhood fears of the cellar and vivid imagination would’t leave

She walked down basford

Heading towards the ford

All the secrets she kept

All the excuses she swept

So many tears she had wept

The teacher, the in law the burns

Now taking turns

In her mind

Hitting rewind

A good team builder the bell never giving her a chance

Evil both hairs so short and both so tall  nor a moment for her to enhance

Some realised she had potential

Different never hurt and luckily she learned the kids how not to be Controversial

All eyes now

His voice whispered so none heard “You ugly cow,”

She ran into the bathroom

Salt rubbing her skin in her own doom

Tears so acidic

The pain just had to stick

She could almost see a cloud

How can she reach it; the dream is to get away and scream it loud

She  knew she always had a battle to lose

Quitting she knew to refuse

Daddy never taught her to lose

He rests in her heart

They are never apart

Everyone asks why so pure

Why no other can learn that cruelty has a cure

Look into her eyes

A genuine heart, light humor and affection without lies

She knew she deserved better, but she’s behind this stupid mountain

In her head she’s 18

Remembering the first time she climbed up and said yeah i made it

Didn’t crumble one bit

No time to sit

Gotta treat the zit

Her tears still in her eyes

Running her bath, the window shining the moon and she sighs

Now in foam and lavender stars shining at her smiling their gaze made her feel at ease

In her heart oh Lord oh Please

Give me strength

She knew it didn’t matter about the length

Or how long it took

She knew getting away had to be in her book

Like she learned to cook

Just like she dreamed her daddy said her meals were perfect

Why does hubby object

Why does he eject

She remembered the interpreter saying he only spoke honesty

She wished life was a little bit more easy

Cleaning up, and drenching the sweet Jimmy Choo Perfume

Contouring and contrasting the perfect look as she couldn’t bear his fume

She dressed in a short night gown and mule heeled slippers to match

Anger was still the catch

She locked herself in her room

Awaiting her central nervous system to flash her doom

Knocking into her mind

Churning her skin like a baker on a rind

Her sisters spoke softly about what happened to her, but she refused

No speaking, just anxious hurt in her heart leaving them all confused

They kind of left her to weep

Until secrets she could no longer keep

This went on for nearly a week

She just wouldn’t speak

Nor did she want him

Nor the lights it was all so dim

Mum noticed she changed her sim

Judge Jury here to question, but was ignored

In her mind what was the point if she didn’t believe who was wrapped round umbilical cord

Doctors came to visit

For they noticed a heat of depression on the fit

She spoke out saying she was fine

“my life is mine no one, but dad can understand mine

If no one in this family is a good listener

I may as well run perfume in my blister

Is how much i am hurting inside

I want everyone to shut up and put their feelings aside”

Everyone grew quiet and began to hear her out

Her mum disagreed, implied to the fact she was silly, goofy, fussy, bossy and downright stupid

She barked back and said “There is no cupid,”

The doctor decided it wasn’t depression

More like a family recession

Her sisters believed she couldn’t lie and that mother was too much in doubt

Yet her friend knew what it was about

Digital camera evil in papers, but this was a shocking leak

The girl looked at her mum so horrified and unable to speak

Her mum aware of her daughters anger in the past

Was afraid of the firing blast

She kicked her door so hard her foot went through the light wood

In ANE full of splinters wishing she could escape the hood

Her mum trying to explain, but leaving her alone

To fend off anger, she took her phone

Left and went somewhere

Her mum phoning, but she didn’t reply anywhere

Not even from the 300 texts from o2

Her head couldn’t get through

How he could kiss

Her mum then up to her; kiss her and make love in bliss

She hated her life

Hated to be his mistress sacred wife

His phone was full of pics of a plus sized blonde ten times her size

“All he does is taunt me, hit and abuse me, why don’t I freaking leave him oh lord make l me realise,”

A good chest freeze

Was what she needed as she was so inside with him without no breeze

She came back

Up she went to unpack

Mum wanted to talk

She silenced her and made toast spread with Stork

One had her lustful nutella

She couldn’t even enjoy it with all the nag from what felt like a villa

Its just a thin walling of 3 bedrooms one had laughs and heavy ps2 music

The other was someone being sick

The other was screaming kids

Parents yelling OH MY GOD like they lost bids

Disney channel on full blast

Watching the Hannah Montana Cast

Mum not happy it reminded her of busted, robbie and blink 182, linken park

IT often lead them to feuds, but she knew she would fight back oh bit he’s listening to Eminem I wanna listen to the pepsi chart and favorite bands  so mum didn’t let it spark

Letting her listen to the life she will rock

Allowing her to express her flock

Her mum never caught on, but her daughters mind constantly thinking and never stopped, “Am i a bad Wife?”

She knew she was not

Yet Satan knows how to hit the spot

Tears were streaming, her heart creaming

Her mum would give anything to stop the shrieking

In the morning she asked her daughter

What she could do for her

She said she felt lost, all hope is gone she wanted a divorce

Her mum said she couldn’t force

She needed to try

Again, she knew she had and began to cry

Her mum didn’t understand what had gone on

Behind closed doors, thinking of how amazing her son in law was, but not whilst gone

All day her daughter slaving the perfect meal

Tired hubby wants to go out after saying not and then goes to mums and a eats up like no tomorrow her heart she could steal

All you hear is a huge slam

In sweat pants her mum says to get into glam

She thought what is the point all i am is a sham

He doesn’t even love me

He just wants a red leather book to bring her to the UK and let her be

Lost friends, lost a degree

Why can’t i just go back to my old life and why does nobody

Ever agree

She is a better person without being over shadowed

Over hallowed

By what he allows and everything controlled by what she is not allowed

Her sisters Agreed

To what it is she would need

All she wants is to be free

To be listened to and to be understood by her family

The younger bro was there when she needed a cry

After all he was there when they were alone without anyone to watch them fry

Mud play and thrown into scalding baths

Nobody believed their paths

Or the maths

Why it took so long

For them to both confront and be strong

Nothing could be done to correct this wrong

Another secret had to be kept

More tears were wept

More nights none of them slept

It was already hard enough

How much stuff

Is one going to cope with in their life

So hard they had to strife

This is just life

Why does it need to be

She realized people laugh at what they hear let alone see

A woman with a hand cuff

For turning a brother into a puff

I mean a p****y

that handles the fussy

Can’t say no

To hurting two young kids with a scald or blow

At least they had each other

Together they faced the agony no one can understand only sister and brother

He helped her to release a non contract

The one that only broke her apart and left all her pain in a stack

One night mare after the next

After all he ignored her texr

He ignored her phone calls

He never picks her up when she falls

He hated her, her food, her grafting, her nurturing

He hated her massages, her bedtime, her kisses, her affection her caring

He hated her everything

Ungrateful for everything

She forgave him for forgetting four birthdays, four anniversaries and four valentines

Forgave all the lies, the plays, the physical mental abuse and crossed lines

She forgave him for all the times he treated her badly

She used her own money, hated her working, but in the end the discrimination of epilepsy lead her to welfare Sadly

She got no honeymoon, no dowry, everyone thought she was rich

That it was all fake and a stitch

She really loved him

He was so dim

She didn’t get the house

Though she was his spouse

All was in a new name

All part of the scamming game

She didn’t want anything

“I would rather have nothing,

I would never want anything

To remind me of everything

Or earn off him a stupid rented living,”

He got the car

She couldn’t get far

Soon as the release in religious law

Came the judgement claw

Whore

Gold digger

The clever dog got bigger

She got better

For a fake letter

She sat down for a while trying

To enjoy her freedom, but she only ended up crying

A flash back of more child abuse, stuffed up bin bags filled the landing all through

Full of clothes and her brother stuffing her face into

Them until she was suffocating

Wondering

Will she ever breathe

Her body all purple and blue

Until mum got her released but never a clue from 8 years ago

Forcing her to stay married in British to give him his passport

For his stinking freedom to go off to the the Port

While she was left in agony

Her heart bleeding internally

Her tears roaming externally

She locked herself

In her room filling up book after book, full of words from her heart and fueling her bookshelf

Hell is what she felt she was dealing

Not chords, but whispers on the streets her souls feelings people were stealing

Until she didn’t give a s**t

She was fat and they said she was ugly and a tramp

She showed them upon a stamp

A new wardrobe

Clarified how much of a  tight fist he was in his lobe

Or the secrets she kept

The ones she swept

Or that mum never believed

Looking back on life and all she could have achieved

Wishing she never put him first

Now her life was dehydrated, dry and dying of thirst

All they could do was say he left because she was fat and ugly

Others defended stating she had beauty

It just takes someone special to notice

Not someone in novice

Nor someone trapped in an office

It was tough, he left her alone while married to go to see her

Never knowing until the phone call revealed her voice to be his only stir

She’s still young and she is still getting it right

3 months she was agoraphobic

She became an internet-holic

She opened a my space and discovered people with talent and the same interests

Now feeling inspired and reaching out in ink where her soul rests

People didn’t judge her as so much

Just those out of touch

Local was a different race

So judgement was not the case !

As of yet

Nor was she gonna bet

She took all a human didn’t deserve to get

Bullied for being darker and mixed race

She suffered child abuse and the loss of her uncle and dad was on her case

Low self esteem

Hard for her to breathe sometimes and to let off steam

Her anger could get the better of her

At 13 mum didn’t understand and hard as it was but she had to get the refer

The psychologists kind of didn’t understand

They were not mixed race and in the position of being a plus sized teenager dying for the latest trends and to be accepted on the stand

Guys often harassed her despite her size

She was often referred to as s**y, pretty and beautiful, but didn’t like dirty perverted chases on the rise

She wanted respect as she gave this to herself

She was popular in college days which was a story on her shelf

She was not the boyfriend material because she was different

Married so young, suffering all the abuse but she could have set to as not imminent

All this and most of the time kept low temperament

Mum never let her go out

Anxiety hit her mum harder so her daughter felt kind of trapped in gout

Mum felt she was right with her doubt

Poor young girl having to grow up so quick

Full cooked meals and house-hold chores even when she was sick

She’d never been to live shows

Not understanding her daughters freedom or her lows

Her daughter understood Khat later on

All the time her mum chewed and was always gone

With the Hooka or the shisha

Where friends entertained her

Sometimes with her daughter

Yet she hated it

Everytime a young fella trying to grope her private bit

She had enough from school

From her mums ex and so tried to always keep her cool

Her mum never understood the slam

Nor Why her daughter hid behind makeup, but it made her feel more beautiful even though she already was this was her though that the only way for her body to disguise her weight is to face glam

Now Just in her room where she felt safe and secure, inking paper to express her blows

Thousands a year

All the way on social media

Nobody understood why

They never read between her doubts, guilt and abuse or what one could never deny

Is her kindness because it was genuine

Not at all times was she dressed feminine

She was a strong lady

Just never given a chance and lost in each day

Praying harder to find her soul

Almost into a black-hole

Time moving forward

Things getting awkward

22 years of age and judged because she liked a 17 year old

The story untold

About to unfold

It was a love match she thought was made in heaven

She never realized what a fool she was until the month 11 of 11

Before then she called and it cost her a lot to keep in contact

A whispering mother telling her son to act in debt to fleece her was only one fact

Did he really love her, so she resorted to facebook

The free contact book

One friend only seemed a little bit weird

So she had a right to doubt what she feared

Friends of his saying she was a b*tch for not sending cash geared

To help him through his struggles and his misery

Leaving herself without a thing of luxury

Paying his tuition and paying him his way

All they say

All they can say is she is the B*tch of the day

Carrying on with her talks

mouth watering rubbish for food none can stick the forks

Awaiting a celebration to crack open the corks

Not his friends to be the ultimate stalks

Facebook suggestions leveled up

To show a cute little pup

The tea in her cup

Prompting her to send a request

Now finally she met her quest

He was there and dumb enough to accept the friend request

He was kinda stuck

Refusal won’t be his luck

Nor was nudity

Commenting on all he can see

Anger hit her hard through the betrayal

After all she was kinda shocked and frail

She’s  brunette in blonde highlight

A Blonde with perfect body and perfect chest struck at her on a screen in blue and white

“He’s my boyfriend you ugly cow

Go find a man and tow ,”

“Are you a stalking idiot?”

“Me more like affiliate”

Confusion hit the third party Who showed the girl a video upon a screen light blue and white

Oh my what a sight

Oh crikey the Calvin Klein underwear

I got him that i swear

Her eyes grew red with rage

Seeing them both at it. no shame no rehearsal nor a fear of the stage

“Keep him in the gutter

Have him with butter ,”

“Nonsense you utter.

He was always mine now grab the cutter,”

Her heart began to sink low

Almost screaming in rage, but tears were her blow

Then realization upon the girl

Finally hit her brain like a sugar rush from a twirl

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Confused

Asking for more information, but it was refused

The dell Laptop shut

Trying so hard to feel the deep pain wanting to cut

Just like she did with her ex, using epilepsy as her excuse to safe him and her self, finally inked out she got her mind to shut

Feeling like she was jumping in ice cold water wanting to die

Right off the north pole she began to sigh

“Why

OH dear Lord why

I always get it wrong

Lord i fear right now i cannot be strong

Help SOS i need you

To help me get through

I am so badly crying

But i am trying,”

Her mums friend who recently suffered cancer, but was a survivor came up to her room

“He is worthless, nor did you deserve this stupid groom

You are a good girl and deserve someone genuine, kind and funny

Just like you,”

Wiping her tears

The girl remembered her fathers affection and all the time she felt bad she loved the cuddles and away went her fears

Mum called her sister

Who was in a twister

Not knowing what to do or to say

Until her daughter stood in rage and said “Do not forget the day….

That day…

You told your son to fleece me up and act in debt when i gave him all i could every other day,”

Her aunt was furious

Mum was curious

As to why her daughter hid things from her

It was no surprise she had been sexually assaulted by one of her mums exes

From Texas

Mum didn’t believe her nor the time when a man who was friends with her ex gave her a Cold sore

For life called a slag for being single all through school because of that darn flaming sore

So she was reminded and it still didn’t hit the jaw

In the drawer

Just a sh*thole that had to be in box of horrible histories

Just more stories

All the tears she’d weep

All the lies she’d sweep

All the secrets she’d bloody keep

She wondered what was her purpose

She felt trapped in a curse

Couldn’t blame her mum though she agreeed it would help her stupid relationship to sped time doing sh** she hated, but nonetheless she got out some Khat which she learned from her ex husband of four years

In a daze she went with the music writing all her emotions when she heard a song and wrote out all her fears

Mum never could understand why her daughter shut her out

Headphones on full blast listening, ink chanting her bout

Spurring the hookah and cigarettes which she also learned from her ex

Who had no biceps to flex

Which was of no importance to her at all

Which she wondered why the gym was so important, he left her without food, without clothes even from a stupid market stall

She guessed he had 8 more Secret mouths to feed she was a  little too kind and softly tenderheartedly was her genuine downfall

Abusing her trust

Was sure to bite the crust

Just like the thrust

Unable to escape

Wishing the button on the keyboard esp

Was actually real

So if people could escape into her crib they could understand the feel

Although she feared

It would cause aggro or leading them to take more advantage as she wrote she teared

Mum wanted her to grow thick skin

All she was, was sensitive and nobody said it was a sin

So she left her and her friends to it

Up in her room in a cloud of fags stinking of sh**

She couldn’t really smell

How badly it hit the bell

Nor could anybody else tell

Or if they did nobody said a thing

She looked at her middle finger bearing twice a broken ring

An eternal circle of love without a start nor a finish

All people wanted was her to diminish

She was a worthy human being

People just weren’t seeing

Thoughts hurled her mind

Going into a forensic rind

“How could i not see number one was bad news

all the blows, and blues

Signs allover and the clues

All red and then the green why didn’t i ever leave

Couldn’t go no matter how hard i’d heave

How could i be so blind

Not to notice number two was misaligned

Why did i have to be so kind

The hits i should mind, the cheating i forgave one time i didn’t tell mummy

Until the application churned my tummy,”

The coke, hookah and khat was not what a young lady

Should be doing despite her ex acting all shady

She knew she had to stop

Each Saturday was the day to pop

Out and whip a mouthful of green

Sunday her heads spinning around all is migraine and unseen

Just her personality was addictive

Now she couldn’t give

In to the Khat, coke and hookah

Watching snooker

Chewing heavily if no Hookah

Out pops Mayfair

To be fair

She wasn’t a waste of space

Just needed some guidance to chase

Her into a peaceful

Beautiful

Mindset

Like her father had set

She remembered her purpose

She wasn’t trapped in a curse

She had her purse

She thanked her Lord

She fought battles without a sword

She was stronger than she realised

Just needed to be shown it finalized

That she was strong

Look at all that went wrong

Forget it and look at all that is right

Tomorrow is a new day and bright

Look at everything that has gone right !

Her niece did trust her thoroughly

So frighteningly

For fear of the weed, drink, boys and the  hood

To come of no good

Just knives

Rape and nobody who sets a foot wrong leaves with their lives

Her brother

Why this time or any other

Only this time got to her

So she told him

As his child abusing Puppet master hid things and made him into a pussy man so dim

Her and her sister

The brother of no protection just hit the poor girl with a blister

Now to insist her

Came facebook

2008

Hit the fate

Notified

Humiliated and mortified

“Aunty you are fat cunt, you have no life

Yeah twice the hubby but what kind of wife

You maybe squashed him to death and buried him somewhere

In a few years the police with lock you up i swear

I hate you

I hate you

I hate you

I hate you and you wanna know another thing

I hate you

All you do is chew Khat and smoke fags

Yeah loads of mates here, but all fake slag bags

Fake mates and fake tags

Nobody will notice your stupid poetry

Wanna know the truth I lied Yeah i hate it i hate it and it is not my mates its me

Stick this in your ear to your brain and heat it through

All fake like you

Life is never gonna be through

Oh wait Laugh my arse off no life is you

Ha ha ha ha ha ha

Blah blah blah blah you are bullsh**er

Aunty you’re also a mother F***er

Oh my God guess what you are 22

Maybe get the f*** out of your room and get a life or stop ruining my life or cant you?

I trusted you…

Why trust a b**ch

You grass up you f***ing snitch

7 shares and 87 likes

The girls heart was hurting bad and she was like yikes

Darn brother

why trust this time or any other

Why bother

Only she couldn’t help the reality

Of the life on the streets and what she learned from youth work and mentality

Her sister

Not on social media didn’t get the blister

In fact in a different country all together

Wishing her dad was here to wipe her tears, but now she had no connection with her niece forever

More notifications oh man they creep

Up on her and now its friends

Trying to follow the trends

You are her aunt you should protect her not snitch

“I didn’t give her the stitch.”

“Whatever,”

I felt i needed to protect her,”

F**k off you douche bag prick we can do this together…

Who the f*** needs you with no life…

You couldn’t even keep your f***king Hubby so now without him and you are no wife

You basically scrounge off fun to fill your non existent pathetic life or no life”

All was blocked

Though non had clocked

The aunt was right

Boys hounded the smoking spots day and night

Giving them all a fright

Aunt was out of sight

Although she did save them one time, but they spat on her face

Not caring even a trace

She walked on in grace

She wasn’t one to fight back

She remembered accidentally breaking an arm pushing and the fights with teachers in primary and the head teacher and it  solved nothing, but only a suspension/exclusion pack

She knew how to defend

How to fend

Just people were never grateful

Nor thankful

She always forgave

She tried to forget what she was gave

Man a death wish to her grave

A handful of spit

And a handful of grit

Thrown over her face

To further disgrace

Trying to make amends

To get on the mend

This girl always wondered as she wanted to get the flashbacks of child abuse out of her head and her nieces attacks and her disabled nephew and wished she could amend

Dad always said to her

Never surrender

One night she had another flashback

One that hit hard her back

She fainted to the floor

Was it a seizure or not she wasn’t sure

She hated them, she still drove at 19 and one crash nor a bruise

Not even a scar or scratch after the cruise

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She thanked God for everything

Even after flying off her speeding motorbike there wasn’t a thing

Just a roast in peace sign

For her baby “He was once my adrenaline

All mine,”

She weeped a little and thought so much

Until she realised she fainted upon her blackout flashback which was so sensitive to touch

Everyone surrounding her wondering what was wrong

She had to blame her epilepsy so she kept some dignity and be strong

She hated that memory so much

Too sensitive to touch

Wishing she could hit the clutch

Only she was held back by her brain

Too late to catch a train

She got out her pen and began to release the ink

 

Everything is getting to me

None of which they can see

Sister remember you saving me

I saved you too and i cared for you

It gave me purpose and helped me through

I didn’t like you sick

It made me feel weak options i didn’t know what to pick

You helped me through and you got the cutest baby

The world can ever know and you don’t know how much she means to me

My heart is aching me so bad all i keep having is stupid flashbacks

Where i just wanna load my backpacks

Running away

Away from my anxiety

Oh dear God i need to face the music

Just life is so unfair and so sick

She couldn’t write her flashback, but she thought of it

To every last bit

Nobody could care for baba and so as plump as she was for ten

She took to the den

Moistening his mouth, changing him because she was a good girl

Even though she could lay off a twirl

Seeing daddy taking his last breath in this world running to the nurses and to call her family

It was so hard to see

It killed her inside

So hard it hit the tide

The door flung open and she had tears in her eyes

Her sister sighs

“everything will be fine,”

“yeah right for the rest of my life i will be trapped in this line

This disability

Epilepsy

Causing me incapability

Incapacity

Can’t even walk the city

Without a shake

Others say i’m fake

They don’t even know me

They don’t feel

That its real ,”

They held each other

If one thing she loved when they cuddled one another

It made her feel affection from the rejected

Maybe it was unintentionally neglected

Still why didn’t mum ever believe

All she said was get out go live alone, just leave

She didn’t even know she was hurting her so bad

She didn’t even know it made her so sad

Where is the money

Or she would go right away, a new world and day and a life to live differently

Though it won’t be easy

Anything is better than to be taunted and abused

Nothing is worse than feeling confused

Her sister left her alone and the blackout

Came to her gout

Nobody cared and when dad died

She sighed

Upon the sight of family she didn’t even know

Uncles and Aunts of  a different heritage and different culture

Almost each one only giving a toss about notes like a vulture

All The luxury they got using his name

Like its some kind of game

Taking away treasures so close to the heart without even a shame

Her story is not yet fortified

To be Continued

 
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